Milk And Two Sugars Please

The poor old Teasmade has recently been voted the 5^th worst houshold invention ever, with the electric knife, the 10^th worst.

You’ve no idea how bad I feel about this survey because I was an early and enthusiastic user of the Teasmade and think, in concept, it is brilliant and ….. I use my electric knife most weeks. So who organises this survey and who do they ask? Obviously not me!

I had a Teasmade almost as soon as they were released onto the shelves of the stores. It just seemed like the ideal solution to a long-term problem, that of being dug in the ribs at 6am and being told to ‘go and put the kettle on’ prior to our long morning drive into London.

For those of you who have been living in cave for the last 30 years, a Teasmade is a device which wakes you up with a cup of tea at the side of your bed at a prescribed hour. It’s like a combination of a servant and an alarm clock. All very civilized – eh? Unfortunately, the early Teasmade’s were something which resembled, and worse, sounded like something that guy Heath Robinson had developed. Approximately 30 minutes before the time it was supposed to wake you, it started hissing as it commenced the water boiling process and then as time passed, the hissing became a high pitched screech as the steam transferred from one vessel into another. There wasn’t a single morning when I didn’t think world war three had started. It wasn’t comforting – it was stressfull. And then of course you then had to pour the tea and add the milk and sugar, so in the end it didn’t exactly do very much. You could probably achieve pretty much the same thing with a small electric kettle on a timer and it would be quieter, although the newer Teasmade models have become significantly more sophisticated. The first thing you know is when the alarm goes off and there’s a pot of tea (minus milk and sugar) waiting for you. So, despite the early teething problems I grew to like, no love my Teasmade especially the newer versions.

And then there’s the poor old electric knife. The 10^th worst device ever! Who says? If mine broke tomorrow I’d be down the shops getting a new one asap. I mean just how does one cut one’s roast beef or slice an uncut loaf? How do you carve up a rack of lamb or slice meatloaf into the wafer thin slices I serve guests? And how would you dock puppies’ tails or threaten to cut the kids’ fingers off? OK – the last one was a joke, but to me the electric knife is invaluable. All that sharpening of normal knives is a dangerous game. How do you tell it’s sharp – you run your finger along the blade of course with the usual gory consequences. Much better to have a knife which never seems to go blunt (I’ve had mine about 20 years and it’s seems as sharp as ever) and which cuts through meat like a hot knife cuts through butter.