Oh Gordy – Sorry, Prime Minister

More on Sarko (despite the picture being of G Brown) - Last week old Sarko went on French telly to tell the nation how he was going to save them from the world-wide recession. He commandeered the three most popular TV channels and broadcast to the 15 million people who tuned in, either by design or by accident. He was quizzed by four specially selected (i.e. soft) journalists, one of whom was Laurence Ferrari, who good old Sarko had ‘romanced’ after he split from his last missus. Apparently of the four journalists, Mme Ferrari, was particularly benign, smiling more than snarling.

It made me think what would happen if Gordon Brown (Britain’s Prime Minister for my foreign readers) was being interviewed by a well know lady journalist (let’s call her ‘J’) whom he had ‘romanced’, when he was Chancellor but before he was promoted to his absolute level of incompetence and became the most useless Prime Minister the UK has ever had.

J – Gordy. Sorry Prime Minister. Could you tell us how you plan to save the world as you said you would do in Parliament recently?

PM – well Honeybunch. Sorry Miss Reid. ….. you know the recession is world-wide but the UK is better placed because of my strict stewardship of the nation’s purse strings …. blah blah blah….goes on and on for 20 minutes. Yawn!

J - Oh Gordy – sorry Prime Minister. I know you’re the strong silent type but you do have moments of real passion, especially about the UK economy, indeed I remember you playing with my bra straps one night and loosening them. Is that what you meant by freeing up the economy and letting the nation’s assets work for you?

PM – well my little squidgy toes –  oh sorry. Well Miss Reid. If you remember, I did say that night that fiscal stimulus was key to recovering the situation but it was quite obvious that you had a different idea of stimulus. Indeed my Red Box went pale pink that night. But getting back to the economy, the UK is best placed blah blah blah….

J – Oh Gordy – I do remember. The public just don’t appreciate you. If only they could have seen you devouring the IMF forecasts in bed each night. Do you think the IMF are right to criticise your fiscal policies?

PM – well my little potato scone – sorry Miss Reid. The IMF are a very respected organisation, and I never turn a blind eye to what they say. If only they recognised the fact that the UK is best placed ………blah blah blah.

J – Oh Gordy – you are such a man. I know they call you ‘the clunking fist’ but what the public don’t see is your tenderness. If only they could see how you caress my – ooops sorry - caress the UK’s economic forecasts.

PM – now, now my little lorne sausage. We must keep this discussion on track. Not too much pillow talk – eh?

J – Oh Gordy – I hear lots of talk about ‘qunatitative easing’ and increasing liquidity. Is that what you did to me that night ………. Oooh I feel all faint Gordy.

PM – next question please.

J – Oh Gordy – I heard you on the radio the other day being interrogated by that awful John Humpreys and he was talking about the problem with ‘over the counter’ activities. You didn’t say that you’d practised ‘over the counter’ with me.

PM – next question please.

J – Oh Gordy – can I ask your reaction to that horrid Jeremy Clarkson calling you a ‘one-eyed, Scottish idiot’

PM – you know – I just didn’t see that one coming. It came from left field.

J – Oh Gordy – the press do criticise Sarah’s dress sense saying that she looks like a frumpy minister’s wife. Does that hurt you?

PM – well my little single malt – no it does not hurt me. I take immense pride from the fact that Sarah buys her clothes from Oxfam. Of course if we have a special occasion, such as when I will have to go to the Queen to tender my resignation, we will splash out on a nice frock and we’ll go to Primark together to choose it.

J – Oh Gordy – just like me – the nation is safe in your hands.