No Blog Today

No Blog today, I'm lying in bed

My nose is blocked up and swollen and red

It's sunny outside but I can't play

It's all to do with that stuff called 'Hay'

Sniffing all day and sneezing all night

I hope you all sympathise with my hay fever plight

I really cant breathe and Vick is no good

'You'll grow out of it at 12, you really should'

I remember those words as I sneezed over him

the doctor who held me and talked to my mum

and so it came back for the last 50 years

the gasping, the sneezing,the hay fever tears

So where did it come from, this latest attack

the old house it was, the tree at the back

it's a Cyprus you see and they are the worst

the pollen's so bad, my nose almost burst

I went over to Tan's to watch his team play

but the Cyprus was ready to ruin my day

outside the lounge doors, it stands 30 feet

ready to push me to a sneezing defeat

I sneezed and I sneezed, no wine could I drink

my nose was so blocked and my brain couldn't think

but Tan was ok, his team won the game

go outside for a fag? 'No thanks I'll refrain'

And so I got home, my nose full of pollen

Wasn't too late, just after eleven

I slipped under the duvet aside my snoozing wife

who said 'sneeze once more and I'll take your life'

I tried to sleep but with no nasal breathing

you gasp and you choke with your breast really heaving

I sneezed and I sneezed, Julie was crying

awake all night long, she found really trying

And so I got up at half past two

nothing on telly and nothing to do

my dear wife was happy, she could slumber at last

whilst I contemplated life's final gasp

Returning to bed at thirty minutes past four

It bugged me so much to hear my J snore

I tried and I tried but no sleep could I get

So I woke her and asked if we could swap sides in bed

She jumped out of bed and now I'm alone

frightened and scared in my very own home

Is she asleep my insomniac wife  

or has she gone for a big kitchen knife?