Wind and Sails

I was thinking about proverbs today. You know – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. The sun shines on the righteous. The cat who’s got the cream etc etc etc.

I was wondering where they came from and who first thought them up and then I discovered a web site which gives the origins so my wondering goes on no more. But then I got to thinking about an old mate of mine (Jeff Thomson - if you read this please get in touch) who made up his own sayings which were absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately they are too rude, even for this blog, so I’ll have to chuckle without sharing them with you…..but they invariably included dockers, badgers, witches breasts and the like so I’m sure you get the idea.

The reason for the proverbs occupying the few brain cells I have left was that I went into my bank today determined to tell them in no uncertain manner just what a bunch of robbing bandits they are, when….the wind was taken completely out of my sails  …..although I have since learned that that saying is an idiom, not a proverb  – whatever.

Going back a bit in time, I opened an account with the local village bank in Tourrettes. Some ten years ago actually. In all that time, they’ve never given me too many problems except for the fact that I object to their small monthly charges which they appear to levy for the privilege of keeping my money (and investing it for their profit) and providing me with a bank card. They gave me a loan when I wanted one and over the ten years, I think I’ve only had one or two small problems.

And then last year we decided to open another account for and with my eldest son. Just a plain vanilla, ordinary current account with a cheque book and a card. No problem. A few testimonials, a few signatures and we were up and running.

As he is registered at my address, his statements come here and as it’s my money which goes into the account I take a passing interest in what state his account is in….just in case there any problems.

And then the charges started. €3 a month for this. €2.94 a month for that (apparently normal) and then I spotted a quarterly debit of €9.20. This was for the privilege of taking the bank’s magazine called the Dossier Familial, which arrives in the post box, is never removed from its plastic wrapper and goes straight into the fire.

I thought this was a complete waste of money, so went into the Vence branch, said I was representing my son and could they stop this magazine and the associated charge. ‘No problem’, the lady said and that was that…or so I thought. This was 3 months ago and four weeks later, the magazine turns up again. I looked at his statement and there it was – another debit of €9.20. Another few weeks pass before I get the chance to go into my local village bank but when I eventually do so, as usual, there’s a new face behind the counter. A youngish guy who was very sympathetic, took down the details and said he’d do what he could. I said this was not good enough – I wanted it stopped. He then gave a reply which floored me. He said that even as an employee of the bank, he kept getting the pesky magazine and he had trouble stopping the €9.20 debit too! Anyway, I left hoping that he’d fix it.

And then yesterday – yup, you’ve guessed it – another magazine and another €9.20 debit. And so it was today that I stomped into my village branch determined to sort out these bankers. I practised my French relentlessly. Looked up the word for ‘refund’ and sorted out a sentence which would leave them in no doubt how utterly pissed off I was. I walked briskly up to the counter and was about to let rip when ….there she was, a vision of absolute beauty. Young, stunningly dressed with a sweater hanging off of her gorgeous shoulders (both of them). Blonde hair and a smile which would have melted Greenland. I muttered that I was sorry to trouble her and it wasn’t a big problem and could she possibly help me with a little issue and I’d be terribly grateful etc etc etc.

The wind was taken completely out of my sails. Wot a wazzock!