When I awoke on Saturday morning, I knew what the day held for me. A bit of gardening, try and get the blasted debroussaieusse (or whatever it’s called) working, then do some more work on a gate at Tan and Angie’s to stop the kids having access to the pool and then get things ready for that night’s dinner party which we were hosting. All worked out – all set to go, but then as I went through to the kitchen to get my breakfast there was a bloodbath on the floor in a corner of the lounge with the tell-tale sign of a long, rubbery tail indicating what had been massacred – a large rat!
Now J and I have specific duties when it comes to cleaning up unsavoury things – I can’t stand nappies, she can’t stand cleaning up dead rats but as we don’t have any nappy wearing kids and have about six dead rats a week, I reckon I’m the loser.
‘I can’t clean that up’, she wailed and so prior to breakfast I had the unenviable task of clearing up a pile of congealed blood and guts which doesn’t half stick to ceramic floor tiles. I almost had to get down on my hands and knees and scrub it off but I persevered and soon the floor was back to normal. The day progressed and all was well.
The dinner party guests arrived and we had a nice time eating outside, that is until Shadow decided to empty the contents of his stomach all over the terrace floor. I don’t think anybody noticed except me but the ‘pile’ was right in front of the lounge patio doors which some people use as a shortcut when going to the loo. I had visions of one of the two immaculately dressed ladies slipping on Shadow’s gunge and sliding halfway along the terrace but luckily nobody did. In fact, I don’t think anybody noticed it. If they did, nothing was said.
Dinner continued and then the cats started going berserk. I followed Coco into the lounge and there, still warm but quite dead was another large rat with the dissection just having started. Both cats were on their haunches just waiting for me to go and leave them to it but I picked up the body by the tail and then wondered what to do with it. Put it in the kitchen bin? No – I’d forget about it and then all hell would break loose if J discovered it later. Put it down the waste disposal? No – that didn’t bear thinking about. I decided to hold it behind my back, go past the dinner table and throw it over the fence into the rough area of next door’s garden.
Unfortunately, my throw was rather too good (must have something to do with the elasticity of a dead rat’s tail) and the body sailed off into the distance, way beyond where I had hoped it would fall. Then all hell broke loose next door. The holidaymakers have some sort of terrier and it must have been wandering around when this still-warm dead rat appeared from nowhere. It went ballistic – barking furiously for at least thirty minutes totally disrupting our dinner conversation.
Dinner finished and our guests left about midnight. I went into the lounge to switch off the lights and there in the corner was – yup – blood and guts all over the floor. Coco and Bijou had been at it again and I think I know the reason for their desire to kill every moving thing they find outside. The last time J and I went grocery shopping, they didn’t have the cat’s favourite food and we had to buy the cheap own-brand stuff which they can’t stand. I reckon all these dead rats are a protest.