Want to Marry Me?

Amazingly, I get several propositions a week and they’re not from dingo’s either. I mean, just look at the beauty in the picture. I forget her name – there’s just so many of them – all beautiful and all longing for someone with my characteristics – male, older, speaks English, and that’s about it. I suppose having some cash might help but it’s never mentioned.

Before I get excited however and look out my pre-nup to see how much it’ll cost to get my recent marriage annulled/cancelled/declared illegal etc, I do a bit of digging, and hey presto, there’s a catch – they’re all eastern Europeans looking for a rich man.

Take the most recent application for my love. Tanya likes dining out, holidays, shopping. She’s aged 21, lives in Kiev, Ukraine and unashamedly says, ‘I am looking for someone in the age group 20-50 and someone who could tell me these simple words: I don’t know what is going on in your life right now, but I’ll stand by you and will love you more than you could ever dream, you can totally rely on me. You should believe that happiness depends on a person only, on whether he wants to be happy himself.’

Spot the problems? All Tanya’s hobbies are cash dissolving activities. And the age range from 20-50 – not too fussy is she?

Anyway, after I puked all over the carpet at Tanya’s plea for love and happiness, I deleted the e-mail and went onto Facebook and there I had a message from Natasha asking to be my friend. Who is Natasha? No idea – just another eastern European siren trying to wriggle her way into my affections.

I tried to close the PC before the kids could see Natasha’s request for ‘friendship’ but it was too late. ‘Who’s that Thomas? Is she a friend of yours? Mummy – Thomas has got a woman friend on Facebook’. Well – I haven’t seen J move so quick since the doors opened at the Marks and Spencer sale in Oldham, and she was over in a shot. ‘Who’s she then?’

‘No idea darling – just a gorgeous girl called Natasha asking to be my friend on Facebook.’

And so the inquiry went on. J wanted to erase the request there and then. The kids wanted me to accept her request. I just wanted to see her profile pictures to see if she’d posted any ‘interesting’ ones.

I got a slap and closed Facebook after erasing Natasha from the ether.

But just in case any of you guys out there are interested in improving your Latvian, Russian or Belarusian, here’s a site for you.

http://www.hotrussianbrides.com/guesthome/