16 November 2009

Brenda - First Female Red Arrow

Have you heard that the famed British Red Arrows aeronautical display group has got their very first women pilot. I pictured the scene as the first woman in their long, proud history turned up at the airbase on her first day.

Commander - now this is your first flight with the Red Arrows. Just get into Red 2 and listen to me carefully. Taxi to the end of the runway and await further instructions. I’m Red 1 and you are Red 2 OK?

But …..

Red 1 – let’s just get in the air. We’ll de-brief later.

First of all my name is not Red 2, it’s Brenda and why do we need to take a taxi when I’ve got this plane thingie? And another thing – you won’t be de-briefing anything later – got it?

OK Brenda – sorry Red 2 – Red 2 is your call sign. Now drive your plane thingie to the end of this long bit of tarmac and wait for me there.

OK Red 1 – say please - willco.

Red 1 to Red 2 – we don’t use willco anymore. Roger.

Red 2 to Red 1 – Roger! Roger! Don’t you think I’m one of those trolley-dolly’s you’re used to ‘Rogering’. I’m not that sort of girl.

Red 1 to Red 2 – No. Roger means – oh never mind. Just get to the end of the runway.

Red 2 to Red 1. How fast can I go? Are there any speed camera thingies on this road? There’s not many bends are there?

Red 1 to Red 2 – this is not a road. Just get to the end of the road, sorry runway.

Red 1 to Red 2 - OK Red 2 - clear to take off.

Red 2 to Red 1 – I’m not taking anything off. I hardly know you. I’ve already told you, I’m not that sort of girl.

No Red 2 – I mean you’re clear to take off in your plane. Climb to 20,000 feet and turn right. Heading 03 degrees.

Red 2 to Red 1 -Turn right? Is that the hand I don’t wear my rings on? And if possible can we change the music – I don’t particularly like the 3 Degrees.

Red 1 to Red 2 - What? Rings? 3 Degrees? What planet are you on?

Red 2 to Red 1 – ah you can’t trick me like that. I know we’re still on earth.

Red 1 to Red 2 – just get into the air and await further instructions.

Red 2 to Red 1 – you’re a bit bossy aren’t you. I prefer the strong silent type myself.

Red 1 to Red 2 – listen Red 2 we can discuss your love life later but for the moment I’d like you to do a reverse roll and an inward loop.

Red 2 to Red 1 – sorry. Run that past me again. You want me to do a what? Don’t you know that women hate reversing? And that loop thing will probably mess up my hair.

Red 1 to Red 2 – what? Where did you do your training? How many hours have you done?

Red 2 to Red 1 – I trained at the Compass Catering College at Dunstable and I usually do about 40 hours a week in the kitchens but that depends on how much Fred, he’s my hubby, has spent at the bookies at the weekend but he’s really looking forward to me working here in the officer’s mess but ………

Red 1 to Red 2 - you mean - oh my god!

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