Ikea is like a religion. Do you know that more people read the Ikea catalogue than read the Bible? It’s true. I read it in the Ikea catalogue. In fact, I’m ashamed to say that over the last 2 or 3 years I‘ve read the Ikea catalogue several times and have not even picked up a bible, so it must be true.
As a family, we’ve used Ikea a lot. When we moved into our new house we left everything in our other place for our renters and so we had to furnish our new abode from top to bottom, and as French furniture shops are scarcer than a Frenchman who wears deodorant, Ikea has had its fair share of my disposable income over the last two years, so I’m quite familiar with their products and their philosophy, which I have to say, is quite amazing and from a capitalist’s point of view, very impressive.
Going back into the mists of time, when I was a newly-wed in Glasgow, no house was complete without a smattering of Habitat lights, glasses, stools and other furnishings. You would go to someone’s house for dinner and think you were at home. The plates, cutlery and even the salt and pepper set were identical to your own. It was all rather familiar and quite bizarre. These days it’s the same. It’s not unusual to go into a house over here and recognise a Detolf, which is a glass fronted display cabinet or a Smakrik Bem 510 S, which is a rather fancy coffee maker.
Now, a trip to Ikea is an all-day event. We drop the kids at school and then bomb about 100 miles down the motorway, past one speed camera and through several very expensive tolls, to get to Toulon. If we’re lucky, they’re still doing breakfast, which is a large plate of smoked salmon, bread rolls, various hams, orange juice and as much coffee as you can drink for the unbelievable price of €2.50. Of course it’s all designed to get you in there early, and as lunch is also quite delicious and equally inexpensive, the plan is to have you spend the whole day there spending money hand over fist. And J does – in spades! They also, I’m reliably informed, do a midnight buffet, but we’ve never stayed that long.
So why all this stuff about a shop? Have I nothing more interesting to write about? Well, when the new mayor of Nice was making his inauguration speech, he didn’t talk about the challenges of integrating the burgeoning ethnic community, or his plans to extend the rapid transport system, or even the long-delayed extension of the port. He said, quite unashamedly, that he would be doing everything in his power to build a new Ikea shop in Nice!
If you’re not from down here you won’t be aware that for the last 5 years or so there’s been a huge debate over where the new Ikea store will be located. Note – where it will be located. Not if it will be built at all. It’s a fait accompli. It will happen. It was supposed to be built in Valbonne which is a pretty village about 15 km from us but the NIMBYs (not in my back yard) let their voices be heard and by threatening to dump the mayor, they got their way. Now good old Mayor Estrosi of Nice can afford to upset a few hundred voters, cause for every one he upsets by allowing Ikea to build a huge blue and yellow shed in sight of their belle-epoque villa, several thousand more will welcome the fact that they don’t have to spend a whole day driving down the A8 to buy a Gloda E14 - for the uninitiated that's a low-voltage light bulb.
But, if this ‘initiative’ is aimed at generating more spondoolies for the Nice economy, it’s all an illusion. For every euro they get from taxes associated with the new store, they’ll lose the same amount, or more, by people not being snapped by the speed camera on the A8 as they dash down to Toulon to get there in time for their smoked salmon and coffee!
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