Is That You Darling ?

Despite being blissfully retired, I still find myself being drawn to TV or news articles which are technology based. It’s just a fact of life. I did, after all, spend 30+ years in the IT and telecoms business, so I suppose it’s natural. I have bookmarked ‘The Telecoms Register’, which is a website giving all the low down on Telecomms companies and one of the things I miss about BT is the internal news websites which were very informative. I watch the Gadget Show and Click with Guy and we always watch engineering and technology documentaries. Sad, I know but with technology advancing all the time it would be remiss of me not to know the latest gizmos on the market which could change or improve our lives.

Take this morning’s revelation about transmitting holograms – amazing. The possibilities are limitless. Some are wonderfully salacious (and maybe I could be first into the market here – remember you read it here first – see number 5 below) whilst others are merely wonderful. Read on.

I was at a BT Conference (sorry annual jamboree) somewhere in Europe a few years ago. It’s terrible. We all go to these annual events and as soon as they finish we’ve all forgotten where they were for obvious reasons to do with free bars etc. The only thing which helps us remember, are things we brought back with us. So every time I get my crystal glasses out, I remember some of the details of the Prague trip – you don’t want to know! When I look at my wallet (not often these days – it doesn’t have anything in it – aaaah) I think of the trip to Barcelona. Again – you don’t want to know. This morning’s news revelation took me straight back to that fabulous, cultural European city of   ………….good old Birmingham. Yup – it was one of the Sales Conference highlights. I jest. The conference was awful and as I’d already decided to leave BT, I spent most of my time trying to avoid the formal sessions and negotiate my release. I did however attend the opening session which comprised an amazing piece of technology and a senior director who cried on stage. I couldn’t work out why he was crying – maybe he’d heard I was leaving - but it was all very pathetic and probably rehearsed (I’m such a cynic). Anyway, back to the technology. The lights went down, a hush came over the 2000 people in the room and the loud rock music started filling the room with a sound you can only dream of getting on your home hi-fi. Strobe lights filled the room (no doubt to allow the bosses to weed out the epileptics) and the stage curtains pulled back to reveal our Chief Executive. So what ? After he’d finished his short opening the lights went out and he disappeared from view. But almost immediately, they came back on on the other side of the massive stage and he was now over that side. This happened a few times and we were beginning to think he was some sort of magician, appearing and disappearing at will. And then amazingly, the lights came on fully and he was on both sides of the stage at the same time. It was a hologram. The effect was amazing. It was like there were two real people.

So this morning’s news that we may all be able to use holograms in future to allow ourselves to be represented at the place we are making a phone call to, made my mind dive off into all sorts of weird and wonderful areas. So come with me on my hologram trip.

1. You wake up after a troubled night’s sleep and your mother-in-law is standing at the bottom of the bed – aaaaagh!
2. Guy and Kitty don’t need to go to school any more. They can stay at home all day and just send a hologram to their school – aaaaagh!
3. You’ve just woken up, somewhere in Europe, the morning after the last night of a Sales Conference. You’re still in your suit, you’ve been sick and it’s quite obvious a huge party took place in your room. You look up and the wife is staring at you – aaaaaaaagh!
4. You answer the phone at home to kindly refuse a dinner party invite because you are ill (which you are not – you just cant stand them) and your hostess suddenly arrives in your living room.
5. And finally, taking a little joke we used to play on unsuspecting guys in BT to the next stage. We’d leave them a message asking them to phone one of their customers and when they’d got through it was a sex chat line (we’d fixed the number so they didn’t know) – just imagine. We’re all sitting at our desks and suddenly this ‘gorgeous’ naked female appears in the office uttering unspeakables. Great !!!

Go on – think of a few yourself.