21 August 2008

Cars and The French

Yup – you’ve guessed it. It’s another diatribe against the French. So what – I live here and I have to put up with their behaviour. If you don’t like it don’t read any more. If you’re French and you get upset – tough – this Blog is not for you anyway so no comments please.

The French drive like absolute nutters. Complete morons with a 1 ton steel weapon in their hands. Why do they drive like this ? Why do they feel the need to try and assert their supposed superiority on all other road users ? Here are my questions about the French, their cars and their driving:

Why do they have to drive so close to you that you can clearly see their nicotine stained teeth in your rear view mirror ?

Why is it a French woman needs to drive with a cigarette in one hand and her mobile phone in the other ? Are they taught this way ? What do they steer with ?

Why is ‘giving way’ such a complete non-no in France. Is it something to do with their history perhaps or are they just thick, or worse, ignorant ?

Why do they open doors in such a manner that they make a dent in the car next to them – every time ? Is it a macho thing ? Or are we back to ignorance again or do they not care about the damage they are causing to other people’s cars ? Our Honda now has so many door dings that you need a calculator to count them.

Why is it that when you are on a very narrow road that the French never ever slow down to make passing each other something less than a gladiatorial battle ? It’s probably no accident (pun intended) that the market for replacement wing mirrors in France is the biggest in the civilised world.

Why do French drivers feel the need to get into their cars and then try and get the rev counter needle into the red zone as quickly as possible and keep it there as long as possible ?

Why is it that every French car which really pisses you off is a white Renault Clio ?

Why do the French government have a two year MOT cycle allowing absolute wrecks onto the roads ? Sometimes there is so much smoke belching out of the back of these things that you would swear they were running on chip fat.

Why is it that the prettiest French females are the worst drivers of all and therefore whilst you would normally smile sweetly at them you actually give them ‘the finger’ ?

Why do French drivers on the outside lane of a roundabout think they can go all the way round causing absolute havoc to those correctly turning right ? Is this not covered in the French driving test which I suspect might just be a case of driving into and out of the nearest supermarket.

Why do French women think that their dogs must sit on their laps whilst they drive ? Sometimes the dogs look prettier than their owners and I bet most of them could actually drive better.

Why do French drivers stop right in the middle of the road to talk to someone coming the other way ? Are they absolutely oblivious to the fact that they cause a tailback in both directions ? It’s not as if they haven’t seen the person they are talking to for ages, they probably did exactly the same thing, in the same place the day before.

So there it is. They are crap drivers, totally ignorant of any road etiquette and totally devoid of any semblance of driving skill. No wonder they have one of the highest death rates in Europe which is almost twice the UK statistic.

1 comment:

Tan said...

if the women have a fag in one hand and a mobile in the other - then the dog is the one driving i reckon - wow thats pretty amazing