This Week At Le Brin

It’s been a pretty quiet week at Le Brin. Various ailments are still going round the family with J having a sore throat at the moment, which, strangely hasn’t prevented her from shouting for cups of tea in the mornings, or indeed having a boozy night with the girls next door on Wednesday! And – she’s getting a ‘Mariella Frostrup’ sexy voice which is no bad thing!

Unlike J, the Stock Market has been pretty quiet which means I can spend my mornings pottering around, fixing the cars, scooters and various other bits of machinery the house relies on and sorting out my social diary, which, this week has meant ordering and taking delivery of a case of Beaujolais Nouveau (BN). Although most people think that BN is a trick by which the French get rid of all their plonk by sending it to unsuspecting, spendthrift Brits, it actually features in the French diary as well, with brasseries having all sorts of BN promotions to entice customers through their glass swing doors. The difference I think is that whilst the French will have a glass of chilled Nouveau with half a dozen oysters, the Brits will have a couple of bottles of the plonk with bacon sandwiches dripping in tomato sauce!

Although my French mate (yes – I do have one), who is setting up his own wine business, assured me that this ‘vintage’ was the best for many years (50 according to the experts), it tasted just like the expensive fruit juice I used to drink in London when I organized an annual Beaujolais Breakfast in the City. Dressed in full highland regalia or more subtle, in a dinner suit, I would muster my troops into a local restaurant and spend the day eating, drinking BN and performing a full sales strategy review. It was all business of course!

Getting back to Le Brin, the weather this week has been amazing (for November) and I’ve actually had to water some plants to keep them greenish. A few weeks ago, I switched off the automatic filtration system on the pool on the basis that with the night-time temperatures getting so low, the dreaded algae would not form, but with the day-time heat hitting between 16 and 20 degrees, those little green cells have started making the pool cloudy and I’ve had to start pumping chlorine into the system again.

The sun however means I can ride my scooter in a sweater and the roof will be down on the Alfa when I take it out tomorrow for its first run in over 6 weeks.

The bars and brasseries are buzzing with tourists and locals alike sitting at outside tables and passing the time of day in our magnificent medieval village, giving the bar owners a late boost to their trade.

But then I look at last year’s calendar and I see that this time next week we’ll all be shivering in plummeting temperatures, the fire will be stoked high with oak logs and J will have her thermals on (not a pretty sight). But that was last year – there’s always a chance that global warming will have more effect this year than last!

A French Electrician Unknowingly Saved the World

I did a blog posting last year about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) which I had visited once upon a time and which was being switched on for the first time last September. Many scientists and doom mongers reckoned it would end the world as we know it, creating a big bang, followed by a black hole into which we’d all be sucked.

The posting is at this URL:

http://tomsfrenchblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/end-might-be-nigh-7-days-to-go-those-of.html

Of course, nothing of the sort happened, mainly because a few days after it was switched on, it all failed because of a bad electrical connection. Unfortunately, the launch at CERN was being filmed, resulting in embarrassment all round.

So, just before they switch it on again with less of a fanfare this time, it’s worth revisiting this colossal physics experiment to try and understand its scale:

• The build cost to date is some $10 billion
• Particles of matter will be fired in different directions round a 17 mile circular tunnel getting faster and faster as they repeatedly pass giant magnets
• There are 1624 large super-conducting magnets in the ring, some 50 feet long
• The particles will whiz around at near the speed of light before colliding on Dec 1st. The speed of light remember, is 186,000 miles per second or 670 million miles per hour which means a particle will hurtle around the 17 mile ring, 11,000 times a second!
• The subatomic particles will collide in vast detectors in rooms the size of cathedrals, 100 meters (300 feet) below ground.
• Because they hired a French electrician who did a typical job for what he thought was ex-Pats, an electric arc punctured the container holding the liquid helium used to keep the collider at a temperature colder than outer space for maximum efficiency. Six tons of helium leaked out, overpowering the relief valves and adding to the damage.
• The result of the particle collision will show on a tiny scale what happened micro seconds after the so-called Big Bang, which many scientists theorize was the massive explosion that formed the universe.
• A Superconducting Super Collider being built in Texas would have been bigger than the LHC, but in 1993 the U.S. Congress canceled it after costs soared and questions were raised about its scientific value.
• Despite the problems, thousands of physicists around the world insist the LHC will work and that it is crucial to mankind's understanding of the universe.

Summary - This is probably the single biggest experiment ever carried out and the moral of the story – never employ a French electrician when it’s an important job! If you look closely at the picture you might spot him at the bottom – he’s currently whizzing round the ring at the speed of light!

What’s In A Passport ?

If I really want to upset Guy, I call him a ‘little French boy’. ‘I am not French, I’m English’, he pouts in that indignant way of his. ‘But you were born in Biot just down the road’, I tease. ‘It doesn’t matter – I’m English. I’ve got an English passport’, he reiterates without really thinking it through.

‘But you could play football for France’, I say. ‘Nope – I’m English and that’s that’. And off he stomps quite appalled at the thought of being French. In an effort to convince himself he is English he has the St George’s Cross draped in his bedroom. Sweet isn't it?

So what’s all this nationality stuff about? Well it’s all to do with a Formula 1 racing driver called Nico Rosberg and the recently bought-out Brawn motor racing team.

Brawn, who have just won the F1 Constructor’s championship along with their driver, Jenson Button, winning the F1 driver’s title, have been bought by Mercedes. Word is rife that being a German manufacturer, they want a truly German driver to front their team and amazingly Nico Rosberg’s name is apparently at the top of the list.

Any F1 enthusiasts out there will wonder at Nico being branded German when his, father, Keke Rosberg, a former F1 Champion, is most definitely Finnish.

Now I know Nico’s family, well extended family. His aunt, Yatta is Keke’s sister and it’s quite obvious that they are a Finnish family. I met Nico briefly a few years back when Yatta hosted their traditional pre-Christmas BBQ and most of the food was decidedly Finnish including a whole side of salmon being smoked on a sort of Scandinavian BBQ.

Of course, some fishy food at a BBQ hosted by Nico’s family doesn’t make him Finnish but you have to wonder at Mercedes’ PR stunt in wanting a ‘truly German’ driver heading their team, when everybody knows it was a bit of an accident that he was born in Germany. Like quite a few drivers, Keke, his father, lived in Monaco but ended up doing some work in Germany when Nico was born and had to get a passport for his new son. Under F1 rules, the passport determines the national flag under which a driver races. And this despite the fact that Nico holds joint nationality, but of course, you can’t keep a blue-eyed, blonde-haired 'German' down. Having been in France for over 10 years now, I could apply for a French passport – would that make me French – non Monsieur!

Nico seems like quite a nice guy when he’s interviewed on the TV but have a look at his website – egotistical or what? I’m sure this is one of the first things Mercedes will sort out.

http://www.nicorosberg.com/

Only 199 Left

There have only been 200 Bugatti Veyron’s built but now there are only 199 running around the streets. At a cost of £900,000 or $1.6 million, it’s a bit more expensive that a Ford Fiesta and with a top speed of over 250 miles per hour, it’s a bit faster too.

So who was the guy in the video driving the Veyron who told police that a low flying pelican had distracted him, causing him to drive into a salt marsh lake just south of Houston, Texas?

A low flying Pelican? Flying pigs more like.

The guy had the stupidity to tell police that the ‘low flying pelican’ had startled him so much that he dropped his mobile phone and drifted off the road whilst he reached down to pick it up. Is using mobiles whilst driving not against the law in the USA?

Anyway, the French-built supercar is now decidedly water-logged and I would imagine that as the water is extremely salty, the Veyron will not be much use after its ‘swim’.

The crash was actually captured on film by a couple of car enthusiasts who were on a parallel road and who filmed the Veyron as it swerved off the road - see the crash and the aftermath at the links below. You can just imagine his insurers studying the video very carefully to try and establish if the driver was indeed on his mobile when the crash happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkdQTuJHjXQ&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_rn-HM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZzi0bOqoRU&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_rn-HM

Brenda - First Female Red Arrow

Have you heard that the famed British Red Arrows aeronautical display group has got their very first women pilot. I pictured the scene as the first woman in their long, proud history turned up at the airbase on her first day.

Commander - now this is your first flight with the Red Arrows. Just get into Red 2 and listen to me carefully. Taxi to the end of the runway and await further instructions. I’m Red 1 and you are Red 2 OK?

But …..

Red 1 – let’s just get in the air. We’ll de-brief later.

First of all my name is not Red 2, it’s Brenda and why do we need to take a taxi when I’ve got this plane thingie? And another thing – you won’t be de-briefing anything later – got it?

OK Brenda – sorry Red 2 – Red 2 is your call sign. Now drive your plane thingie to the end of this long bit of tarmac and wait for me there.

OK Red 1 – say please - willco.

Red 1 to Red 2 – we don’t use willco anymore. Roger.

Red 2 to Red 1 – Roger! Roger! Don’t you think I’m one of those trolley-dolly’s you’re used to ‘Rogering’. I’m not that sort of girl.

Red 1 to Red 2 – No. Roger means – oh never mind. Just get to the end of the runway.

Red 2 to Red 1. How fast can I go? Are there any speed camera thingies on this road? There’s not many bends are there?

Red 1 to Red 2 – this is not a road. Just get to the end of the road, sorry runway.

Red 1 to Red 2 - OK Red 2 - clear to take off.

Red 2 to Red 1 – I’m not taking anything off. I hardly know you. I’ve already told you, I’m not that sort of girl.

No Red 2 – I mean you’re clear to take off in your plane. Climb to 20,000 feet and turn right. Heading 03 degrees.

Red 2 to Red 1 -Turn right? Is that the hand I don’t wear my rings on? And if possible can we change the music – I don’t particularly like the 3 Degrees.

Red 1 to Red 2 - What? Rings? 3 Degrees? What planet are you on?

Red 2 to Red 1 – ah you can’t trick me like that. I know we’re still on earth.

Red 1 to Red 2 – just get into the air and await further instructions.

Red 2 to Red 1 – you’re a bit bossy aren’t you. I prefer the strong silent type myself.

Red 1 to Red 2 – listen Red 2 we can discuss your love life later but for the moment I’d like you to do a reverse roll and an inward loop.

Red 2 to Red 1 – sorry. Run that past me again. You want me to do a what? Don’t you know that women hate reversing? And that loop thing will probably mess up my hair.

Red 1 to Red 2 – what? Where did you do your training? How many hours have you done?

Red 2 to Red 1 – I trained at the Compass Catering College at Dunstable and I usually do about 40 hours a week in the kitchens but that depends on how much Fred, he’s my hubby, has spent at the bookies at the weekend but he’s really looking forward to me working here in the officer’s mess but ………

Red 1 to Red 2 - you mean - oh my god!